So you’ve decided to join #Movember and give cancer a united swift kick in the ol’ hairys, eh? That’s right, cancer can bite it! It’s pretty cool that we get to show our support and raise awareness by growing out our stache-o supreme-o, but that means starting with a clean-shaven face. For a lot of us fellows the lower half our of face hasn’t seen sun since the end of last Movember or longer. If that’s you, fret not. Yes, it will be a shock to your wife and kids. Yes, there may not be much sex in your future (more on that below). But, that’s all the more reason to make the most out of this month and grow the rockin’est Mo you can, and raise money and awareness to battle the cancers that affect men’s health. Also, having been through #Movember last year and raised something like $300 I am pretty much a pro now and am willing to share my advice with all of my bearded compatriots. Enjoy!
First, The Rules
Know them. Love them. (Click for larger)
Stuff that Will Suck
There are drawbacks to shaving, don’t get me wrong. It’s not all going to be pudding and ice-cream – two things, by the way, you can now enjoy without a forest of napkins! The sacrifices are real, bros.
Your Undeserved Respect Will Plummet
After shaving you will not look like the fierce man-of-the-wild you once did. The respect and attention that your beard granted you will now, unfortunately, have to be earned like your clean-shaven and hairless brethren. You might wonder why restaurants get your order wrong, or why no one takes you seriously in office meetings. It is because you have no hair on your face. Be patient. When that Mo’ starts to come in people will change their tune.
Your Lips Will Chap
Your current moustache acts like a windbreaker and umbrella, protecting your mouth from the harsh and destructive natural elements. Unfortunately this allows your lips to become weak and dainty like two new-born hairless weasels. Gross, right!? Kill them, please. Anyhow, while they are adjusting to things like sunlight and wind, dabble some lip balm on before you go to bed at night and keep some on your person for the first week or so. I am partial to Burt’s Bees lip balm.
Your Wife Will Refuse to Look at You When Talking
Some might say this would be a good thing if she all together just stopped talking to you, but that won’t happen. She will still talk to you but won’t make eye contact for quite some time. Occasionally you will catch her looking at you but with a disgusted kind of look which clearly communicates there is no chance of sex in your future until whiskers appear. But, there is a trick here I will share with you. Start romancing her even more! That’s right, do the stuff you wouldn’t normally do such as buy flowers, pay attention when she is talking, watch a girly movie…a British period drama (you can do it!), and give her massages and whatnot. Pretty soon she’ll begin to like the shaven version of you. Be careful though, don’t turn the charm on too hot or she might not want you to go full-beard again.
Without Your Beard, People Will Notice Your Fat Stomach
A guy with a beard can often get away carrying around a boiler. People might think, “There goes a guy that just loves life.” or “He’s probably packing extra calories for survival.” But when you shave, people just think you’re fat. Unfortunately they are probably right. Lucky for you fall is a great time to start running! The cooler weather will feel good on your bare face as well.
Stuff That Will Be Awesome
Movember wouldn’t be as successful as it is if there were not a bunch of great things that come with losing your mane once in a while. Here are some things to look forward to and take advantage of while you grow your Mo.
Soups. You Can Eat Them Unfiltered Now.
Pretty much anything that requires a spoon can be enjoyed care free now that your strainer is gone. Napkins? No need. And yes, men, you can even turn the bowl up to your lips without it running down the sides of your face! Have at it.
You’ll Get to See Your Face
Depending on how ugly you are this may or may not be the benefit you look forward too. After all, beauty is only beard deep! But, it’s important for every man to be able to look himself in the mirror and see how he is changing and growing. Are you starting to look like your dad? Or your grandma? You may just find that you have gotten better looking with age.
You’ll Be More Expressive
Beards tend to hide a good bit of our facial expressions, most of which we picked up before we were able to grow a beard. Spend a bit of time in the mirror noticing how much more expressive you are when the beard is gone. You’ll pick up on things that you forgot, like you have dimples. As children have demonstrated for years, dimples can be used to garner all kinds of things in your favor that would otherwise be denied. Take full advantage of your hairless face!
Shaving is Fun…For a While
One of the neat things about Movember is that shaving becomes a fun routine again. A lot of guys who go clean-shaven every day grow tired of the task. But, for a month it kind of feels fun, like when you were a kid. Invest in some good razors, shaving cream, and brushes and treat yo’ self.
You’ll Bond With Your Mo’ Bros
Men grow stronger when they do things together. Having a few buddies go through Movember with you creates a special bond. There are a lot of guys that just won’t do it. Now you have a group of friends that can get together and talk about how lame those non-mo-bros are and how great your fuzz-staches look.
At Some Point Your Wife Will Come Around
And when she does…watch out! Pretty soon that new face of yours and all of the new charms you’re throwing down will start to take effect, and your budding Mo will go from itchy to handsome. Just be patient. The reward is sweet!
You’ll Raise Money and Awareness For a Great Cause
Don’t forget, Movember isn’t just about laying down a new lip rug. It’s about raising money and awareness to fight against serious cancer threats for men. Fathers, brothers, sons, & friends are being lost or greatly impacted by testicular cancer, prostate cancer, and mental health issues. Many of these cases can be prevented by diet and exercise, which is why awareness is important. But, for some people that won’t be enough. Let’s do our best to get the word out and encourage guys to get checked out, stay healthy, and throw a few dollars towards a cure. Every Mo Counts.
More About Movember
Find out more about Movember here: http://www.movember.com
Want to Donate to my Movember? Do so here http://mobro.co/myarbrough.